I should focus on my work but I feel compelled to write my thoughts. There appears to be no idle moment but I need to find a window to write in between things that I have to do. I read over my writings repeatedly, pondering over every element of prose, I arrange the sentences so that they read coherently. It is meditative to watch your thoughts. When I move the sentences around, they feel contrived if I try too hard. I need to feel them. Sometimes when you edit them, they lose the initial feel.
I am constantly torn between things that I want to do. I suppose everyone is probably facing the same dilemma.
Thoughts are often fragmented. Mind is much distracted. Has it always been so ? So many thoughts pass by every minute moment.
I do monologues inside my head when I drive or walk and go about doing my daily tasks. There are times when interesting ideas swim in my head as I shower, wash my face and brush my teeth, if only I could remember these ramblings in my head. They are fleeting.
In Normal People written by Sally Rooney, Connell Waldron writes to Marianne when he is travelling around Italy.
‘Time softens out while he types, feeling slow and dilated while actually passing very rapidly, and more than once he’s looked up to find that hours have gone by.’
This is how it feels whenever I write.